Emotional Rollercoaster Ramblings

The emotional roller coaster stopped by the station again today.  Of course, I got on. Not that I can help these emotions that run through my crazy mind, but, I'd like to have a day more balanced.  My best friend says I need to talk to my doc about anxiety. I really don't see it as anxiety.  I'm just emotional.

Two surgeries within nine days can certainly cause one's emotions to surface.  The long-acting local medication that the doc left inside the area removed from my left breast has worn off. I feel pain now. All the ups and downs of the cancer diagnosis.  The way that some people look at me or say things to me.  All these things combined make me emotional.

This morning appeared to be a good day until the emotion hit.  That seems to be the way it happens.  I'm fine until I'm not. That wave hits like a baseball bat hit to the gut and the tears roll.  I'm an emotional person and a soft-hearted soul.  But, this is just too much emotion to control.

Maybe I am sad because I missed my graduation. Yes, I graduated from Marshall University a few days ago.  I was near the middle of my last class when I found out I had breast cancer.  My professor allowed me to work ahead and finish the class.

Maybe I am sad because I feel like I've lost my independence.  It seems like my husband has to take me every where.  I am not a dependent type, but driving hurts.  

Maybe I am not sad.  Could it be I'm still pissed?   I will readily admit that I am miffed that this happened to me. The damn world keeps on revolving and I have breast cancer!

Whatever it is, I think the emotion is here to stay for at least a few months.  I see my doc's nurse practitioner and also my oncologist on Thursday May 30.  I figure I'll get my release to go back to work and also my plan for the future radiation therapy. May 30 is my son's birthday, a day that he says is just another day to him.  But, to me, it's a special day.  It's the anniversary of the day that I fell head over heels in love with him.

The rest of this breast cancer story lies ahead.  Perhaps a more defined path will ease the emotion.








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